The "R" Word

Relationships are unhealthy. They are for me anyway. The ones that mean the most are quite brief and the ones that suck the life out of me tend to not go away.

I am an outstanding girlfriend. I cook, I dote, I anticipate needs, I give back rubs, I purchase gifts, I draw pictures, and literally go all in with expectations and long term goals. I'm reliable, I'm accessable, I'm understanding, and I'm always supportive. I approach every relationship I fall into like the last relationship I'll ever have. It makes perfect sense: I like you enough to let you claim me in public, I kiss your face regularly, and I most likely bust my ass to spend most of my time with you. "Keeping" you is a #1 priority and 100% worth it to me if you were lucky enough to make it this far. 

Being SuperGirlfriend never effing works! It always ends with some guy I thought to be amazing turning into a mean dude who just takes advantage of me. 

I'm Never good enough

I'm always "missing" something

I'm a failure

So starts the agonizing process of "getting over it." Which, quite frankly, feels unnatural. I just dedicated a large portion of my life to someone I obviously cared about for nothing. I saw endless ways to "fix it" that fell on deaf ears. It's not fair! The person I saw as my best friend and most trusted human being on the planet has suddenly vanished into oblivion. 

The fact I came from a very small town of just under 10,000 people probably has a lot to do with this. When a relationship ends in Cody you still see that person around. They are not completely gone from your life. You see them in online social networks, the grocery store, bar, mini golf course, walking around aimlessly downtown, etc. In a small town you're stuck with these people whether you like it or not. Eventually you have to learn to play nice.

That awkward moment when you realize you've slept with two of the four people in the room...

That is unfortunately not he case in larger areas. When a relationship dissolves that other person evaporates out of your life. This person you cared so much about is Gone, never to be seen again, or a least for a very long time. There's nothing you can do about it.

Ways to "Get Over It":

Cry on the floor of your best friend's classroom. The more often the better. Although, it doesn't quite come off as professional.

Try and meet as many new people as possible. Whine to them about your problems. If they don't appreciate it they'll disappear too. Win! Win!

Start a Blog. [You like it right?]

Do all the things you were excited about doing with that person without them. Just because they are gone doesn't mean the fun outings are too.

Apply for grad school, new jobs, and anything that will keep you engaged.

 [Please Recycle]

Eventually you will fill your time with so much unnecessary BS that you will forget why you needed to fill it in the first place.

*Disclaimer: None of this actually works. They're gone, it effing sucks, there is nothing you can do.

There's Nothing I can do... 

Escape Plot #1

Today, I am sad. Nothing bad has happened, everyone is alive, and the sun is even shining. Yet, I'm still sad. Why?

I often get sad when I am forced to spend way too much time alone. I feel so isolated! Do I exist?

Screw this! I'm running away!

Phase 1:

Phase 2:

Phase 3: (actually a secret)

Phase 4:

I'll bet you're thinking, "Ooh! How nice Lynnsey, you just Go do that while I reflect on how perfect you're life is in comparison to mine and get angry." 

You just hold your horses missy! Nothing I have done has come easily. 

I worked at a department store all through high school to buy a car. I also got my Own cell phone plan the day I turned 18; prior to that I had a ghetto ass track phone which I also paid for.

I put myself through college. No parental guidance or help, just me. I was awarded some sweet art scholarships to get me started but the rest came from the pell grant, loans, loans, and more loans. Two colleges and 7years later I had an AA and BFA in art and a teaching license; don't forget the $60,000 of debt I racked up. I have no regrets. It was an investment I made in myself and it Has paid off thus far.

As college finally came to a close I was determined to get a job and not just any old job. I was going to do what I went to school for no matter the cost! 

I posted my résumé on a teacher job website, checked the box for every art teacher opening in the country, and BOOM! I'm in Utah.

I actually had high hopes for this place. I left a lot behind to come here. Utah was supposed to give me this super badass "grown up" job, and make me real "grown up" money. I was going on an adventure to a far off land! Nothing could stop me! blah blah blah.

Things aren't exactly going according to plan. That's why I need to escape. 

How to Tell if You're Drunk

I'm sure this has happened to you; you're out slowly drinking for several hours, alternating between water and your chosen beverage, dancing, out in hot sun, or whatever else. You have drank so much but a whole lot of time has passed. You wonder,"Am I drunk?".

Here's how to tell:

Are you "pointing" a lot or using any other hand gestures you wouldn't normally use?

Have complete strangers become your best friends?

Have you spilled any of your drinks?

Are you texting people you shouldn't at an inappropriate hour?

Are you trying to prove to others you are sober?

Where are your shoes?

Stop touching your face!

You've "known" him 45minutes!

Bitch! you're drunk!

Ultimately, if you aren't sure if you are drunk you're most likely drunk. Sober people don't wonder these things.

How do you know you're drunk?

Bras are Dumb

It's summer time! I have nowhere to be and nobody to impress so I thought I would embark on a little experiment. I'm going to give up on the whole bra-wearing thing. Bras are dumb.

Don't get me wrong, they aren't all that bad.

Bra Pros:

They make clothes look awesome.

They provide protection from enemy attacks.

No nipples.

I have discovered however, that with all these bra-wearing shenanigans that I have seriously been missing out.

No-Bra Pros:

Less constricting. I have basically had a rubber band wrapped around my torso for over a decade.

I feel everything!

With much enthusiasm I would like to invite the ladies to join me in this experiment. Pledge a day, pledge a few weeks! Whatever you want. It will earn you life points to go toward your "list".

Make your pledge!

Lets discuss more pros and cons to bra-wearing.