I have the same three basic theoretical constructs of the human psyche except, unlike everyone else, mine are currently Not getting along.
The ever-annoying one is Lynnsey: The Teacher. She's the insane, over achieving, ever patient, good hearted part of me that always does the "right thing." She put's others' needs before her own, strives to succeed at all she does, and spends a great amount of time thinking about How she can excel in life. She likes to live in her happy little bubble of existence and not be bothered. Everything is as it should be and if it doesn't feel right, she is more than happy to make adjustments. She's the one that always gets me into trouble with her "big picture" ideas and projections that exceed further into the further than i believe most people project.
I'm kind of growing to resent her.
The one I miss is Lynnsey: The Artist. She is fun loving, driven, creative, and always ready for adventure. She likes pool, darts, shit talking, and falling in love. She drinks way too much coffee and vodka, smokes cigars, and never stops cursing. She carries a sketchbook with her everywhere she goes and functions as a Pandora's box of ideas and possibilites for anything and everything she or her loved ones are interested in. She is also kind of a bitch. She doesn't take shit from anyone. You push her and she always pushes back tenfold. Her personality is infectious, she has power, she is amazing.
She has been gone an awfully long time.
The current dominent construct is Lynnsey: The Child. She's usually dorment deep inside my psyche for no one to see. However, in those rare moments where life has presented too many challenges and disappointments within a short amount of time she comes to the forefront. She has been at the forefront for most of this year. She is very sad nearly all of the time because, like most children, she needs to be taken care of. She needs someone to spend time with her, say nice things, and make her feel appreciated. She needs validation that she exists; that she matters!
The child's needs are not being met. She is starving. She is always alone, often ignored, and is so confused and scared by everything. She is unable to move forward, or anywhere for that matter. She is stuck. She would love for one of the other constructs to take over but they are far too busy fighting to take responsibility for anything.
The teacher wants to be content in her career, put a nice line on the resume, and eventually move to a better school, in a better place, where she will make more money. She feels it is the more responsible and "adult" thing to do.
The teacher wants to be content in her career, put a nice line on the resume, and eventually move to a better school, in a better place, where she will make more money. She feels it is the more responsible and "adult" thing to do.
The artist wants to run away to someplace new. She lusts for adventure. She went to college for a long time for the teacher and got her a damn job. It is now her turn. She is sick of being told where to live and what to think; and doesn't care if she ever teaches again. No more compromises! She wants to create and explore. She wants to move someplace warm and see how it goes. She yearns to be with the friends and family who love her. No more does she want to be surrounded by a culture that will never understand nor accept her. She is sick of the people who pose as friends who accept her but really want to change and mold her into something she is not; into something she can never be. She wants to be free!
The child just wants to be loved but can only manage to curl up in a ball and cry. She sees the validity of both the other construct's arguments but lacks the skills to make a definitive decision.
The teacher applied for new jobs but the artist canceled the interviews. The artist got a summer job so the teacher could be content making money and the teacher started a blog so the artist could express herself. The child yearns to go home!
I really don't give a shit who wins; I just want someone to win.
Is this normal?
