My Pets

I have a lot of pets. Two cats and a chihuahua to be exact. I have been dragging them along with me for the past six years. Everywhere I go, they go. From Cody to Laramie and back until we eventually landed in the good 'ol HV.

Let me introduce them:

I honestly don't understand how all this pet business was aloud to get this out of hand. As much as I adore these lil'dudes I feel I am missing out on a lot just by having them. 

I can only live in places that allow pets.

I always need someone around to let the dog out should I be gone for longer than 5 hours.

I am never really alone.

That's really not the problem though. The problem is I have an overwhelming urge to jump in the jeep and disappear for several weeks. I want to throw caution to the wind, put all my belongings in storage, and see where the wind takes me! 

I guess they can come too.

Do you have pets?

The List

Just before my 26th birthday I was blessed to discover three white hairs growing out of my head. I of course plucked them out right away but not before getting a really good look at them. Undoubtedly, these hairs were the first of many in what I hope to be a decades long chain reaction that will lead to my demise.

Why?

The experience made me think about all the living I hadn't done. Most people earn their old-person hairs; all I ever did was go to college and get a job. I did not deserve these! I didn't have kids, I'd never been married, nor have I ever been struck by lightning. Why were they here? Why? 

My impending doom got me thinking about the list but not the list you're thinking of. I'm talking about the the list of random things one may accomplish in life but never actually pursue. The list that with every item completed earns you life points that can be cashed in later for bragging rights, a temporary feeling of pride, or even shame. You don't seek the items on the list, they find you at the most unexpected moments. 

Examples:

"The divorce will be final next month."

Contract a yeast infection

Give way too much money to a bum.

What sort of items have you checked off of your own list?

Spare Some Change?

I've always had a real problem with change. Whether it be for better or for worse, at a subconscious level; I try and avoid change at all costs. I will stay employed at a shitty job, remain in a nightmare of a relationship, and even continue living in a town I hate just so I can covet what little piece of security I feel I have. I want to be like a rock, unchanging and unmoving for all time. As a result I have inadvertently sabotaged many great opportunities that have come my way.

Must stay here where its "safe".

What's weird is that subconscious desire completely contradicts my conscious obsession with  plotting and pursuing escape. Ever since I originally left home  I have wanted nothing more than to go back. I shamelessly apply for jobs I don't even want out of this need to be closer to home. I'm at the point now where I have applied for so many jobs that I don't even remember where they are or what they are for.

I will apply for them ALL!!!

I will often discuss these escapades with the people it directly affects without taking their feeling into account. I actually think I have forgotten other people have those...

I have become a monster. The duality of these two consciousness' should not exist! One wants to stay put, smell the roses, and be content while the other wants to run away, ignore/forget everything, and be in a constant state of movement.

Who do you think will win?

Rocks

I've always had a pretty complicated relationship with this world's imaginary friend. I find the concept of God, gods, and the universe to be a very fascinating subject all together but whether or not I buy into it really depends on the day.

Probably not today...

 I can tell you for sure that I am NOT an Atheist. The world in all it's general existence is far too complicated, perfect, and complicated for there not to be SOMETHING; but what is it? I've often pictured all the isms to be right in their own ways. They are all pieces to the exact same puzzle, each one being too simple and unclear on it's own but when put together they make something substantial, unquestioning, and final.

With that idea in mind, in the past, I have often found myself exhibiting a very low tolerance for people who try and push their isms on others, especially me. Religious/spiritual journeys are difficult enough, we wanderers don't need your books and scriptures shoved in our faces. It makes me so angry for them to assume I am so "lost" that I haven't taken the time to research these things on my own. Of course I have! I actually took it upon myself to study the majority of the major isms in college. I've read all the books and touched on all the systems. I'm not ignorant!

"Peddel your witchcraft else ware!"

Ironically, when I feel stressed, depressed, or at a loss I often subscribe to more individual practices like "The Secret" where one just tries to think positive and through that, the universe provides. When that's not enoug, things get weird. 

Tarot Cards: I'm actually really good at reading those.

Good luck charms: Family air looms, religious relics, etc.

This all finally came crashing to a hault at my darkest hour. I was taken to an interesting place to get my aura read. It's this strange process where one places their hand on a sensor and a computer somehow takes a picture of that person's aura in its present state. 

"You have a love-shield around you, you deserve to be in touch with your maternal side, and you are completely disconnected from the source."

The guy at the store told me my chakras from my heart to my sacral were faded/out of wack and the best way to "heal" them and myself was to carry around a yellow rock. For 24 hours, this was an obsession.

I needed that stone! It was the answer to life, the universe, everything! I didn't only need that stone I needed a stone for every chakra. I needed blue, red, violet, green; all of them!

Then I came to my senses.

My Fault?

To get things started it is probably important to tell you a little bit about myself. First, I am originally from Wyoming which is pretty much the coolest place anyone can possibly be from. Second, I'm a young art teacher who is currently located in the magical Utahan bubble affectionately called "the happy valley." I relocated here to "follow my dreams" so to speak but I have been questioning that decision from the very beginning. Talk about culture shock!

 

I honestly came to Utah not having a clue how to have an adult conversation that didn't have deal with booze, explosions, sex, or some combination of the three peppered with shameless cursing. If that wasn't enough, I was one of the unfortunate souls blessed with the pleasure of not being a Mormon. Not being Mormon in the happy valley is like, under any normal circumstances; being a former known prostitute who was originally sold into slavery by her kidnapper.

Its "exotic" and "exciting" to have you around but I'll be dammed if you date my son!

So I'm sure you can imagine how difficult it can be being a single lady in her late 20's surrounded by a culture that widely rejects/doesn't understand her. It's lonely, confusing, and effing boring! I had no choice but to attempt the world of online dating. I viewed it as a way to order a non-LDS man over the Internet like a pair of bad ass shoes but the process turned out to be a lot more complicated than that.

I will solve all of your feminine whoas with my money AND my penis.

Why wont he STOP talking like a cartoon?!?

You're still not Mormon and I think that makes you the MOST selfish!

Things are better now...