It's on!

"They" say When life gets you down, make a comforter.

So you can hide under it.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Because you are not going to drink that vodka by itself!

When one door closes another door opens.

I was unaware this was an actual "thing."

This too shall pass.

Life was going good,
I was finally in a happy place when it came to this whole Utah business. I moved into an amazing new house with the master bathroom of my dreams. I got a sexy new car. I was even in the process of gathering up enough courage to woo some dude I set my sights on. I was also very much looking forward to teaching in an artroom I had designed within the coming year.

But for some reason,
without warning,
with no idea that option was even on the table,
I had a major door slammed in my face.

Now I must wonder if all of "this" was for nothing.
Did I make a mistake?
Did I do something wrong?

But then I think...
I will be okay! I have the world at my fingertips.

I still have a year of graduate school left.

I have a few art shows coming up in the near future.

I can finally explore a life of organized crime.

I can be a lead singer in a very popular rock band.

or even gain 3000lbs. Why not?!

The possibilities are endless!

But in reality...

I'm terrified! 

For the first time ever I cannot begin to project what my future holds.

What if I never teach again?
What will my family think?

What will I think of myself?

Shouldn't this be a joyous occasion? I freakin' hate Utah; I always have. All I ever wanted since I got there was to go home. I miss my friends, family, and stomping grounds!

It appears I made a critical mistake. I grew attached to people. Very attached. The last day of work felt something like having everything I know get sucked into a black hole. Despite my best wishes, I know I won't see most of the kids and people I've grown accustomed to seeing everyday ever again.

Ever again! Do you know how freakin' insane that is?! Wow!

I could disappear off the face of the planet right now and few would know the difference. I already disappeared from their life.

I can honestly say I've never said goodbye to so many people I cared about in one day. I can honestly say I've never had so many people cry over me in one day. To think, I did all of this. I caused all of this. Although my reason for being cast aside is an ongoing enigma I can't deny the fact that it is my fault. I don't think I would have done anything differently, but it is my fault. 

The job search is on! I guess it is time to roll the dice again and hope it lands on a place that doesn't stink. Lincoln will always hold a place in my heart despite it never being my true home. I miss you guys.